The ride of my life

July 8, 2008

A month ago I reached the end of what had been a wide plateau. A significant choice was about to be made, indeed, had to be made. It was as if I had been standing in line for the scariest roller coaster ride for three and a half years without really knowing what all that entailed, and suddenly had found myself facing that last minute decision to either strap myself in, or to step over and make my way down the exit ramp. With surprising clarity and sobriety, by the grace of God, I understood the importance of the moment.

Like the traveler in Frost’s poem The Road Not Taken, I was at a fork in the road and in the end chose the one less traveled by; yet unlike him, I was not sorry that I could not travel both – instead, I was sorry that I felt the less traveled path (to get on the ride) was an impossible one to choose. Not that it seemed impossible; it was impossible.

“Lord,” I said, “I long for You, and greatly desire for my Jesus to receive in me His full inheritance, but I know that it is not possible for me to get on this ride because I’m not yet ready, though it is what You would have me do. Help! Show mercy! Speak to me; assure me; embolden me!” And – praise Him – immediately He responded, “Just as Pharaoh had hardened his heart against Me, and so I upheld his ‘No’, you have hardened your heart for Me, and so I will uphold your ‘Yes’.” And the next thing I knew, I was locked in and clicking my way slowly up that mountainous track that all coasters begin with!

With arms raised and heart pumping, I await the plunge with eager excitement, knowing that it will carry me frighteningly fast, and far, and free.

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